Defusion is one of my new favourite terms!
It is a term that is used in Acceptance & Commitment Therapy when discussing psychological flexibility. The definition is:
"The process of separating or distancing yourself from your thoughts, feeling, beliefs rather than being overly identified with them."
Defusion allows you to take a situational snapshot of your life and zoom out. This distance gives you the chance to can perspective and observe your situation rather than being consumed by it.
So, rather than being mad you are now aware that you are simply feeling mad, and this gives you power. Now you can play around with your awareness and understand the situation. With each question that you ask yourself about your awareness you create another degree of separation between yourself and your situation. With each degree of separation you create, you can learn more about yourself and the other people who may be involved.
This process is excellent for supporting your interpersonal filtration system, or boundaries, as we would typically call them.
Before we go into the process, remember what purpose boundaries, or any filtration system, serves - to let in what's good and filter out what's bad. Keep this next part in mind:
Anything you lose by setting healthy boundaries is not meant for you, and is not a loss!
To be completely honest, if you don't lose anything after implementing boundaries, you are either completely blessed or you didn't do it right!
With each question you ask and answer you defuse yourself from the situation a little more.
There are requirements to completing this exercise effectively: openness, curiosity, teachability, and emotional intelligence. Without each of these factors you will get stuck.