Conflict is one of the more common reasons that people come to speak with me. It could be a couple having troubles, or a communication breakdown with a supervisor/employee. Either way the challenge is the same. How do I bring up, or respond to, a conflicted topic?
You'll probably fall into one of two types of people:
Regardless of the type, the response is the same.
"Can you help me to understand?"
It's neutral, it's simple, it's easy to remember. It's non-confrontational, so it's not likely to get the other person's back up and result in a defensive reply, and it's emotionally dispassionate which means that it is not likely to fuel your emotional reactivity.
Prefaced with a reflective statement, this magic question prompts the other person to consider the message they are trying to convey and reframe their request.